Tuesday, March 3, 2015

No Real Missionaries Were Harmed in the Making of This Story!

Yeah Tay has freaking sick Bdays!  Everyone gets to do cool stuff when I'm stuck in Africa! Oh well I will return soon enough and you will all see how illiterate I am and how I'm completely socially awkward! Honestly I don't know why, but I talk different than most people here.   Even the other Americans can struggle to understand some of my phrases or words, but it's cool, I'm just a verbal montage of culture!
I'm glad you got to have a sweet Birthday mom you deserve it you're the best!!!
Why do they all have boys? You think none of them are gonna have enough kids to have a girl? (Aunt Donna & Mike grandsons)
That's a sick name! Haha he's so cool! I wish I was Tay! (There was a contest to name the high school's new dance team & Taylor entered & the name he came up with was the name the team chose.  So the dance team is now Blue Legacy--school colors are blue & gold)
 It is suuper sad and I'm really sorry! I would hate it if Buddy died! So you need to take care of him until I get home.  (His cousin Kayla's dog died, she's due back from her mission in Brazil in 5 wks)
And yeah don't worry about sheltering me till I get home, just let me know what is going on! I would much rather get bad news now than when I get back and I'm trying to adjust!
Wow I am glad that I have never gotten bitten by my companion... other missionaries and some members and a few investigators, and even a few children but I don't think my companion ever has taken a chunk out of me! (a friend of his in Brazil too got bitten)
Yeah I emailed President about it. (coming home in Aug for school)
Ty: haha sorry about your paper!  How do you think you did? Yeah dude madi is crazy! How can she just get married like that it's so weird!!!
Tali: Wow what a bum! I saw part of Big Hero while I was getting food at a shop the other day it looked way good!
Gracie: Haha I had a similar experience to your pee story, but in mine I had to poop! Ill tell you about it really soon :)  (Gracie slept in the tent, tried to come in to go to the bathroom & was locked out! oops!)
Tay: Happy birthday bro! Great job making it this far in life and having so much fun!
What a wow!
Can you believe how old you are TAy! 15 flip I remember when I was 15 and I felt crazy old! Just one more years until you turn 16 and can go on dates! Gosh I remember when you turned 13 and I was all "wow he's so old, now he can watch pg-13 movies!" Then the next year I was all like "14?! He's so old, now he can go to stake dances!" Flip and now you are 15 its crazy! Are you so pumped?! Did you get some cool gifts and stuff? I hope you loved it and lived well!
Love your big bro
Elder Travis Legg

Ok so this week I'm in a really fun mood.  Where to start my stories? I will tell you good news, bad news, and worse news.
So good news- I didn't go to jail!
Bad news- got a fine and almost went to jail
Worse news- I still had to poop!
So last night Elder Clark and I were out pretty late taking our clothes to a member for her to wash them today.  When we got there she really needed our help, so we helped her out and didn't get back until really late.   By the time we were pulling into our compound I had to jump out of the car and pee just right where I was.  I almost had to pee out the window while we were driving, but was barely able to hold it. The problem with going pee, it just so often leads you to needing to poop. So now I have to poop really bad. Problems are it's late, I'm tired, and we haven't had water for days! I probably coulda gotten water if I really wanted to but I really didn't want to.  So I came up with this bright idea let's just go poop in the gutter across the street! As missionaries here we talk about that a lot and its always kinda a joke. Now that we are tired and really have to poop, it has suddenly became a  reality.  So we run out there hop in the gutter and drop trou.  It was really awkward, but I had to go really bad! So while I'm going my head is down and I don't see the guy sneak up on me. I stand up and there's a slightly drunk suuper muscular shirtless man standing in front of me. He just looks at me angrily when a way drunk fat crazy guy runs out of no where and starts screaming at us. we couldn't really understand what either of them were saying, and they were freaking out.  We were just shocked and didn't know what to do. The crazy man runs away and comes back with a big cutlass and starts swinging it at us. Topless man is much more calm and just starts threatening us telling us we will go to jail and what we did was so terrible! ( we don't understand why they are mad, because they themselves poop in buckets and throw it in the same gutter) but crazy man swings the cutlass at Clark and misses chipping a big chunk of rock out of the gutter. Soon, out Land lady comes to the rescue, and starts talking with the crazed fiends that are harassing us. She sends us inside and continues to talk to the men, but on our way in,  crazy man grabs a big bamboo pole and attempts to lance us.   Some people stop him and he starts  slamming it on the ground. We rush into the compound and into the house. We get some serious prayers off and try to rest our troubled hearts. We got some sleep. Then today the people were harassing our land lady, so she went to the gutter people and told them, and she went to the police, and took care of everything.  She got a fine, but solved everything. So now everyone around us hates those men, and just feels way bad for us. We just feel terrible for everyone that we bothered. Total life or death situation!
Ok so let's be honest:   the danger level was super low. There wasn't much exaggeration, but just a really good story telling to make it seem worse than it was.   We are totally fine, and we were just shaken up, and worried about all the people we inconvenienced! No real missionaries were harmed in the making of this story!
And when all was said and done last night Clark pooped 3 more times and I pooped twice more. Just not our night.

Good news- I didn't do anything wrong
Bad news- a member basically threatened to get me sent home
Worse news- I'm still doing what he told me not to
Hehe so I have this member in my area whose cousin is staying with her and she really wants to learn about the church.  So we have been going there to learn with her. The problem with that is the member has a kinda weird possessive boyfriend who is way jealous of handsome, funny, witty, Elder Legg who keeps spending time at his girlfriends house (teaching her cousin the Gospel of Jesus Christ sheesh!) So he took me off to the side one day at church and lets me know he doesn't like it and he's really grumps with me but doesn't want to be enemies.   But it was really hard to figure out what he was saying because he kept likening a mission unto stuff like war or selling or whatever.   It was hard to understand, but basically what he wanted to say was back off my girl and I said excuse me?! ewwwwwww. Definitely not gonna get with that girl if I had to get with a girl!

Good news- I didn't spend any money on it
Bad news- the mini golf place sucked today
Worse news- our driver left us there and we had to get our own ride home!
Yea we went to the mini golf place again today but only 3 people golfed, the employees were super rude to us, we weren't allowed to do any flips or anything.  It was just boring.  Half of us just chilled inside while the others golfed or took pictures. One companionship didn't even come, and the other ones who drove us there bailed on us as soon as we got there! Oh well it was a good day and we had fun!
Yeah so I think that is most of the excitement for now! Don't worry about me.... unless you are scared of Ebola, cholera, malaria, typhoid, cutlasses, bamboo, lions, elephants, bats, rats, bad traffic, dirty sewers, constant diarrhea, dehydration, starvation, heat stroke, or anything dirty or dangerous! 
Oh yeah did I tell you about the bats here? I this area every evening about a couple hundred thousand bats fly across the sky and it's super scary! 

Love Elder Legg

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